Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
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