I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
So my graduate coordinator is possible gay man. I may have just found the easiest way to a degree ever.
Good plan b, put your number on all your forms. Hello gamefull employment.
Take that integrity
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
If its not for food we ain't going out.
Sooooooo, can scratch getting a pelvic exam by a man dressed as Woody from Toy Story off my list.
You need to write an essay about this experience.
He was even wearing the hat.
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
Randomize
