He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
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