Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
You may now shotgun with the bride
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
Randomize
