I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
Randomize
