If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
Just cropdusted the office
So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
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