Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
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