How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
Dont really know what happened near the end, Pockets were filled with skittles though
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
Randomize
