Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
We did like every position then did it again this morning. Something about him being the little boy i used to make sand castles with just made it way hotter.
well done
I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
Randomize
