Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
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