I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
Randomize