It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
accomplished twins. life is a go
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
Randomize
