How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
Randomize
