Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
Horny girl and non horny girl have different views on life
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
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