fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
Randomize
