is it wrong to smoke out middle schoolers?
yes...dear jesus what did you do?
bwahaha. ask your little brother in about 20 minutes. im dropping him off.
you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
Randomize
