Richard, I just read on your Twitter account that you have enjoyed a, "Much needed post birthday smoothie..."...A bit revealing, no?
dude this 15 year old girl saw our youtube vid and just facebook messaged me saying i was verry verry pretty. i have no schemas for how to respond to this situation.
woah 15?
i know! what is this dateline?
They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
Randomize
