Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
We had sex on my friends waterbed ..after that the whole school kept asking him if he had fun getting "sea-sick" last night.
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
You peed on a flamingo?!?
Randomize
