She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
Randomize
