I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
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