I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
love makes seman taste better
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
Randomize
