Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
Randomize
