I missed Saved by the Bell this morning, but Ashley in a later episode of Fresh Prince is keeping the morning wood alive.
I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
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