nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
Randomize