i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
Randomize
