Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
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