mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
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