Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
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