I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
Randomize
