my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
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