My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
Randomize
