my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
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