so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
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