so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
Goodbye hot boy in my geo class...goodbye my lover, goodbye my friend. you have been the one, you have been the reason I came to claassss
It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
Randomize
