I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
Randomize
