Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
So there's 10 guys in this picture..I've made out with 5 of them. does this make me a slut?
eh 50% isn't bad..i'd say 80% is slut material.
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
Randomize
