Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
Randomize
