dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
Randomize
