friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
I have tasted many bathrooms
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
Randomize
