Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
Randomize
