I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
Randomize
