By the way the awkward moment from yesterday is now a bad situation I have to figure out.
Thank you Grey Goose.
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
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