There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
Randomize
