it's taking a lot of effort to be mature and not reply to her with like a video of bestiality porn
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
oh fat girl friday strikes again...
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
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