So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
after watching ten minutes of "the decision," I conclude that King Lebron has more influence on America than Barak Obama. I love our countries values.
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
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