I think I won the penis lottery.
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
my quiz for the book was only 2 questions and my one answer was sorry and then a sad face
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
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