my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
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