This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
Randomize
