He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
Randomize
