My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
Randomize
