booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
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