Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
I was not drunk enough for that final.
Randomize
