I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
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