I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
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