her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
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