I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
20 People Confess What It’s Really Like To Live Under Sharia Law
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
21 Texts That Prove All the Magic Happens in Parking Lots
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma