I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
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i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
we decided to do a scavenge hunt for ourself for when we walked back to our apartments. We hid taco bell behind some bushes. I think they are still good.
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
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he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.