Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
25 People Confess The Biggest Betrayal They Have Ever Faced
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
25 Odd Things These Pathetic People Do For Enjoyment
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are