Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.