i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
Randomize
