Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor
Is This New Dating App Elitist…Or Genius?
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
Stay Away From These 29 Online Dating Red Flags
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
You came to the right person.
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!