Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
I JUST WANT SOMEBODY TO EXPLAIN HOW FORESKIN WORKS AND DO NOT UNDERSTAND WHY THIS IS A PROBLEM.
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
Never underestimate the power of titties
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