I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
Randomize
