Three words: puerto rican gang bang
guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
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