oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
Ben's a prick.
What Ben are you talking about?
All the bens across all the lands
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
Randomize
