And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
