She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
I just gargled with NyQuil
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize
