I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
Randomize
