Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
Randomize
