she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
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