What do you say about some mid-afternoon anal?
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
Randomize
