I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
Randomize
