Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
Randomize
